Countdown To Fifty

As a product of the 70′s and 80′s, like many folks, I did my fair share of partying.

And, not unlike many of my peers, my memory of these events is, well, cloudy.

And then came Facebook.

Maybe Facebook  is the great flashback machine.

After all, I have connected with more people I have known from those wacky days in the last 6 months than in the last 25 years.

In conversation with many of them I am reminded of events that have long been tucked away, and forgotten, in the deepest recesses of the brain.

Just last week I got a call out of the blue from a ‘friend’ circa 1974-1978. We had not spoken, or communicated in any form, in 30 years.

As we stumbled down memory lane I had some genuine flashbacks of people, places and things way long forgotten.

Perhaps, as I approach 50 with full blown CRS (can’t remember shit), I should be glad that Facebook stands ready to deliver to my computer and telephone long forgotten events.

Maybe.

With age comes cynicism, at least in my case.

Once I would trust, at face value, the statements of others. Today, well, not so much.

Rest assured I am not a discriminating cynic.  I question people, companies, services, causes, and beliefs all equally.

For instance, last week I received a delivery from Arrowhead Water. It was the usual water service in every way, except one.

Arrowhead Water, since last December, has been migrating to a new and improved five gallon bottle. The new Arrowhead bottle has a super convenient handle embedded into side of the bottle.

While this made for much easier carrying it also caused me great suspicion.

How could a new 5 gallon bottle, seemingly the same in every way to the old bottle, still hold 5 gallons with a chuck taken out of it for the handle?

After a look on the Arrowhead Water web site and a call to customer service I was not satisfied that I wasn’t getting ripped off. So with help of New Media and video expert Ron (who did the camera work but left the editing to me and edited my 15 minute hack job to a viewable 5 minutes), I offer the following video.

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Sure, there are pills, potions, programs and classes all designed to show you the way to eternal youth.

You can drink the waters and allegedly stay young. For some the solution is plastic surgery.

I have found a stay young alternative.

A method to stay mentally alert, test my reflexes, demonstrate my foot speed, and practice my stretching.

Meet Oliver:

Oh, there’s nothing like chasing after a 14 week old puppy to keep you young and on your toes!

It has now been 60 days since I stepped away from the womb of corporate America and into the great entrepreneurial unknown. As a statement of the obvious I offer this: it sure is different out here.

Brilliant, no?

Here are some of the observed differences in no particular order.

In my Last Life I had ‘people’. By that I mean I had folks to help with the various brainstorms and hair brain thoughts that cross my path every single day. If I had an idea for a new marketing campaign I would call the good folks in marketing and say:

me: hello, marketeer, I am contemplating a new whiz bang campaign that looks like this in my mind

markeeter: sounds interesting, why don’t I formulate a few ideas that play off of that and get back to you , say next Monday

me: perfect, I await your call

-or-
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Thursday, February 16, 2034

Holy cow, am I relived!

I now know to the second when I will drop over dead.

This opens up all new worlds of opportunity and planning. And the fact that I will go on a Thursday means that I need not make plans for the weekend of the 17th.

I do take exception to the fact that I will keel over at 74 years old.

But wait. If I set the ‘mode’ to ‘optimistic’ I get an automatic life extension to April 1, 2052. Imagine, just thinking optimistically buys me another 18 years! The ripe old age of 92, all courtesy of the power of positive thinking.

The fact that this projection has me checking out on April Fools Day is absolutely perfect.

Thanks to the good folks at The Death Clock for this clarity.